Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize