I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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