You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
