he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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