How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
