He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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