It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
