in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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