Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize