WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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