I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
