Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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