when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
