And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
