Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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