Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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