just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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