i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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