I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
