mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
