So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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