I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize