allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
