He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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