I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
