I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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