She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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