it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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