Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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