I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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