she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
