plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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