I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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