Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just pee around me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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