We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
worst night to have a conscience
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
