I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
