there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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