last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
