hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
