I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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