Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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