well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
