I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
