That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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