If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
