My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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