I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
