I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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