Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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