sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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