you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
