I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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