Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
