He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just gargled with NyQuil
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
