I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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