k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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