Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
