Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
