Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
