I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
