I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
