i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
