So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
