It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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