batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
