i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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