You're my little dorito
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
