You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
