Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
