also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
