i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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