Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Alive.
So much puke
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
