i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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