You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
