wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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