If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
