Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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