you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
