Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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