Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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