can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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