my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
